Tracey Jackson

Sep 16, 2009

DREAM

Last night I had my first dream about Taylor since she left for college. I might have had others but I take Klonopin to sleep and I tend to forget a lot of them. I actually at this stage forget a lot of things without the Klonopin. Though one thing I NEVER forget is to take the Klonopin.

So, in this dream Taylor was in high school or maybe even eighth grade and we were going to Disneyland. Clearly I am subconsciously denying where she is in life. And in this dream we were living a new house that did not feel like ours though it was. It was a Craftsman and I don’t really even like Craftsman, so what I was doing in one I have no idea. And I don’t know where it was though I think it was LA as it was near Disneyland and you don’t find many Craftsman houses in Manhattan.

We were not alone: we were with Taylor’s friend Sophia Juarez and her mother Christina who has commented many times on this blog.

We were all getting dressed up in giant polka dot suits that looked like Minnie Mouse and Goofy had somehow had a baby. They were part human and part animal and covered in giant spots. The girls were arguing about the costumes; they didn’t mind wearing them, but they hated the colors. Taylor’s was a weird brown and I don’t remember Sophia’s. To shut them up Christina (who is very chic) and I decided to wear the same thing.

Then people came by and wanted to talk about the house. I told them I liked the pool but to go away — we had to get to Disneyland before the kids changed their minds.

If anyone is good at dream interpretation I am open to comments!!!!

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Posted in Freshman Mom

Jeff Atkinson

Dear Tracey,
This is one cool dream and your current journey. Taylor in high school or 8th grade. Your two daughters and the adaption and change both are going through.Disneyland. A symbol of American culture, main street USA, Boston,Independence, College. Disneyland–how does one feel when they are there…happy, fun, positive, special. Achieving a fresh new mood or forging a new course. Craftsman Houses- How do things stand. These homes are on one level and portray the American Dream of CA. living, main street (Disneyland) of life. When one is at Disneyland they forget their struggles and have that kid-like-joy.Minny Mouse and Goofy=fun in the California sun. Brown-earth-centered. Part human-animal our various faces or emotional faces. Baby-birth, creation, mother earth, female muse.Christina-girlfriend,buddy, fun, vibrant go with the flow, laugh, mentor, sister. losing wallet-resources, values, morals, manifesting abundance, identity. People-house-talk: Fed up with folks not owning their stuff? Pool-interaction with others, feelings, take a relaxed attitude towards things. lounge forget things let the water renew your soul…before you change your mind. Go to the beach… A spa with Christina…pamper yourself because you’ve a lot on your plate.
http://Blitzerfamily@yahoo.com Lynnda Blitzer

Okay, sometimes I can be pretty good at this. First of all every aspect of a dream represents some aspect of yourself and how you are feeling about your waking life.

The fact that you have decided to place Taylor still in primary school and still under your control is telling. And that you are taking her to Disneyland where children and parents are happy together walking hand in hand from one fun event to another further also points to your desire to share her future experiences with her and to be a part of her new adventure.

And living in a” new house” that doesn’t feel like it is yours, but it is. Well..You are living through a new phase of your relationship with Taylor that doesn’t feel like your old relationship…but it is. It is the new relationship with Taylor that you will have to get used to living with and it is a relationship constructed in an architecture that you don’t particularly like. This new “craftsman style” house is near Disneyland …. Well Boston is near New York.

The fact that you are with Taylor’s friend and her mother reflects your awareness that you are not alone in this journey and that you are sharing it with other mothers and their daughters/sons. Pretty basic.

Dressing up in costumes is representative of how you are all trying to cope with the changes by hiding behind a mask of humor…putting on a smile and making a joke to cover your true feelings of confusion and pain. Thus the strange new “baby” that is part human and part animal. Part civilized and maintaining control and a cheery front and partly raw and savage and deeply hurt. As obvious as the big polka dot spots on the costumes that you are all putting on. The weird brown costume that Taylor is wearing and the fact that she doesn’t mind wearing it but hates the color, really is about how you feel about wearing the cover up. You dont mind using humor as a disguise but you dont like that it is the pain of the separation from your daughter that is the source of the necessity. But you decide for Taylor’s sake that you will try to have a sense of humor and will put on the silly costume and try to be happy for her.

People coming by” to talk about the house”…that is all of us that read and comment on your blog. Maybe you are starting to feel that posting every day is a burden and that while you like the pool…perhaps representing the contained place where you can place your fears… you tell everyone to go away and that you have to get to Disneyland where you can be nostalgic for the old times when none of this was on your radar….and maybe you are feeing that you might want to change your mind about blogging this very personal time in your life.

Make any sense?

It all sounds pretty healthy to me! xxooLynnda
tracey

Really impressive responses—Lynnda you seem to be spot on in almost all of it. The exception is my desire to continue with the blog. Though this AM I discussed with Glenn as the going gets tough at times the blog will become more serious and he said either you do right or you don’t do it.
I committed to it. So onward we go….Thank you both for taking the time to really analyze this. It was really helpful.
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