BLAKE-A-PALOOZA THE ONGOING GOOD-BYE

As many of you know by now, as I haven’t shut up about it, my oldest and closest friend, screenwriting guru Blake Snyder died suddenly on August 4^th. The final report is is it was deep vein thrombosis. Who knows how he got it? He had flown to Hawaii and back several weeks before and was always on planes going from Beijing to Austin to teach his seminars.

WALK ON THE PLANES, GUYS. I don’t know if that is what did it, but it is often times the cause.

Blake and I used to have a sort of “Who’s On Third” routine we did, which was who was funnier. He would say I was the funniest person he knew, I would respond, no, no you are much funnier than I am – we could carry this on for some time, not sure what we got out of it, but it usually ended with one of us, saying, no, Jim Haggin is funnier than both of us put together. Which is the truth. Jim goes back to our teen years. Blake and Jim went to Cate together and then went on to write and sell NUCLEAR FAMILY.

They let me hang with them. I remember one summer when all we did was hang out in my former friend Maryanne’s cabana at the beach club and laugh.

So Jim was the person who coined the phrase BLAKEAPALOOZA, it is based on the fact that since his death there have been endless memorials and events honoring him, it just goes on and on.

There was the quiet, super close friends and family one in Santa Barbara. Which sadly I had to miss. I found out this week that there have been SAVE THE CAT groups from Chicago, San Francisco and Austin who have gotten together and had their own mini memorials.
Then there was this week, the big good-bye at the WGA Theatre. Oh how he would have loved to have seen the WGA theatre filled with his adoring fans and friends.

I flew out LA on Monday for three days where I vowed to only spend time with Blake’s friends at Blake events, culminating in a small party I gave in his honor last night.

I cannot say it was the trip of my life, it was a trip believe me I wish had not had to make, but he meant so much to me, I was just going to immerse myself in all things Blake no matter how painful it was at times.

I have to add here, the upside, if there can be an upside in a tragedy, is I have connected with so many people I had lost touch with or never met and had only heard about. Blake’s friends as often happens in times of grief bonded together and I leave LA today with some new really lovely connections. Because one of Blake’s quirks, and we all have them god knows, was he didn’t really mix and match his worlds. He led one of the most compartmentalized lives of anyone I have ever known. Perhaps it is why people felt so close to him, when they were in his presence they had all his attention, you felt like you were the only one. The downside of that is there are people who have known of each other for years who have never met and they all had a lot in common aside from a connection to Blake.

My first stop on the Blake Express was the night I arrived I had to meet Lex Passaris. Lex and Blake went to Cate together. Now how I missed him I don’t know as the Cate group I know quite well. Lex was a year ahead so perhaps that is it. But since August 4^th we have been communicating and he is such a funny, articulate and accomplished guy we carried on a lively internet banter. I really wanted to meet Lex. His wife Lulu was on her way back from a few days at a spa so Monday night when the rest of my tribe were breaking the fast I was drinking margaritas and getting to know Lex. Lex is a teddy bear of a guy, with an infectious smile, a quick, acerbic wit and we had so many Blake stories as well as life stories to exchange that drinks turned to dinner and by the time I jet-laggedly, two margarita-edly made it to my room I felt like I had a friend for life and I also felt like we had known each other for years.

The next morning I spent working on my eulogy for that evening’s event. I kept changing it and redoing it and it was starting to make me crazy. How do you sum up a person, much less a complex one and a friendship, much less a life-long one in seven minutes?

Blessedly I had a lunch date with Colby Carr. Now Colby I kind of knew at one time, but it was a time when Blake and he were partners and Blake and I were not so we never really knew each other well. And somewhere I think we might have had mixed feelings about each other, not over anything we had done, but life circumstances just sort of intervened close to two decades ago. But he contacted me and said let’s get together and just commiserate. I was so happy to see him, even though I wasn’t sure I would remember what he looked like. Like Lex we were instantly in the zone, stories and memories of all sorts spilled out of both of us at The Newsroom Café, my favorite place in LA to eat.

Blake story: A few years ago Blake and I were pitching two movies simultaneously. We had meetings at every studio and it took us two weeks to get them all in. I was on one of my latest health crazes, which was wheat grass juice. I was convinced that despite the fact it was gaggifying to drink it did wonders and I had convinced Blake that if we took a shot every morning before we hit the road it would fortify us and help us be more alert and therefore better pitchers and thus sell the films. Blake would do almost anything to sell a film, so he went along with me. I will never forget his face that first morning at The Newsroom when he downed the nasty green goo. I thought he was going to throw up on the spot.

But bless him he did it each and every day. I know some mornings he was hoping I would forget, but it never happened. And the thing about wheat grass is it really repeats on you and it tastes like you’ve eaten an entire football field. Sometimes we would be in a meeting and I could see from Blake’s expression the wheat grass had bubbled up and he was trying to keep it together. Driving off the lot he said, “We better sell this soon. I can’t take burping lawn through every meeting.”

Colby and I, like Lex and I, left feeling united in friendship– not only in the wake of Blake’s death, but in that we had a lot in common.

That is the weird thing about Blake; you know he had many like-minded friends. We all get along, the ones in the business at least, the ones he worked with.

Colby was by far his most successful collaborator; they sold many scripts and landed an overall deal at Disney.

But we all have the same twisted sense of humor, have all been in the trenches forever, and all understood Blake. It would have been nice if we had all met with him around.

Sheldon Bull is someone else I have blessedly reconnected in the last seven weeks. Sheldon is a very accomplished TV writer and creator who I met years ago when we both had deals at Columbia. Remember overalls? Big paychecks, with assistants and offices on the lot. Those were the days.

I introduced Blake and Sheldon and they became writing partners for several years.

Sheldon and I never had a falling-out it was just one of those things; I moved and every time I was in LA I was working and oftentimes one breaks the habit of getting in touch and the habit then becomes not getting in touch. Well now we are happily back in touch.

I had a feeling I didn’t want to drive that night, so Sheldon and his wife Annette picked me up and took me to dinner. It was so good to see him too after so many years. Why is it it takes something like this to bring people together? But once we were it was like not a day had passed, much less a decade.

So we caught up over dinner, Sheldon still as funny as ever. I think we were trying to pretend the hours we were about to spend would not be as difficult as they ended up being, so we pretty much talked about everything but.

The memorial at the WGA was open to anyone and there was talk that up to three or four hundred people might turn up. I’m not sure the actual number but the theatre was very full.

The whole thing had been arranged by BJ Markel who ran Blake’ company and Rich Kaplan and Anne Lower. They did an amazing job. There were pictures of Blake you could attach to your shirt or bag, mine is now in my purse with the photos of my husband and children. There were little art stations with pink hearts and flowers and magic markers where people had the chance to write down messages to Blake or memories or just say good-bye in a tangible way. It was a lovely way for creative people to express their grief and gratitude to the person that helped them tap into their creativity.

The evening was well planned albeit not rehearsed. I think they wanted spontaneous and not pre-meditated responses.

The opening remarks, the telling of the chronology of Blake’s life was done by one of students, the actress Bess Wohl.

Sheldon, Lex, Colby, another new friend, the hysterical Howard Burkons and I all sat on a panel where the only person perkier than Blake, Deb Eckerling asked us questions. I have dealt with Deb through Blake, but only online. She is younger and cuter than I imagined. I follow her on Twitter and the girl runs from writers’ event to writers’ event with more enthusiasm than I think writers actually deserve considering we spend so much of our time complaining.

The panel was fun and funny and all being comedy writers we kept things a tad glib for much of it. I think we were all a little afraid of what we were actually doing and let’s face it professional funny people are the masters of keeping pain away in the guise of jokes. So yuk it up we did. Funny stories about Blake’s one week marriage. Sheldon was honest enough to say on first meeting he found Blake to be an asshole but grew to adore him. I love that about Sheldon, he doesn’t hold back. Lex told one story about getting into a fist fight with Blake at Cate over a production gone wrong. Howard had the audience in stitches with a tale about a pitch meeting when Blake made him dress up in drag and Howard literally fell into the room as he couldn’t walk in heels. We were doing the funnies for a funny guy. Colby went so far as to make funny faces, which were the expressions Blake had taught him for when you’re in a room and you are getting lame ass notes and you don’t want the note giver to think their IQ is in fact four and you are judging them. I wish he had given that lesson to me.

Romany Malco, a very accomplished actor who has appeared in things such as WEEDS and THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN to name a very few read tributes to Blake that had been written by his fans and students all from over the world. He had impeccable timing and was very witty in keeping with the tone of the evening. We were honoring a man whose motto was “Laugh til you stop” which is in effect exactly what he did.

So far so easy – though nothing prepared anyone for what was coming next, especially me, and actually everyone in the front row who in that room were broken down into Blake’s nearest and dearest.

Joe White who works for Disney Animation, with a little help from Lex and photos sent in from Blake’s friends and family, put together a video of Blake’s life. Like most memorial videos it went from his childhood up until the end. I lost it in the first minute: to quote a film (Blake would want me to), it “had me at hello.” Personally there was a one two punch as I was in many of the childhood shots starting when we were three, there were moments I didn’t remember myself suddenly on the screen in front of me. And there was Blake through all his stages, adorable baby, adorable little boy, cute teen; always smiling, always having fun, always with that look saying I get the joke but do you?

Then Blake in college – a more Gatsby looking Blake, but yes, still adorable, and then a scruffy Blake standing with Colby in front of the theatre where BLANK CHECK was playing. And then STC Blake signing books, lecturing and doing what he did best, guiding and helping others.

By the time the screen went black and his voice boomed forth I was so upset I don’t remember what he said. I was holding two disparate thoughts at the same time, one was I can’t believe he is really dead. And the other being this is a gag,  it’s like when he made Howard walk into the meeting in drag, he’s going to come bursting through the screen like Diana Ross singing LOVE HANGOVER and tell us it’s all a joke.

But I knew that not to be true. It wasn’t a joke and I would never hear that voice again, and in that film in those final moments, it hit us all: Blake really, truly was gone.

I knew he was dead. I was sitting in a black dress at his memorial, I had mourned and blogged and booked a plane ticket to come to LA to attend. But until I watched that video and heard his voice I hadn’t truly integrated into all parts of my being that I would never ever hear that voice again. Then I lost it. Howard who was on my left wasn’t in such great shape and Lex was holding up but it was getting to him too. The only difference was in two minutes I had to stand up before the crowd with my ten pages of notes, my glib opening quips, my jokes, moving into the more heartfelt material, I was the closing act to his exit event and I couldn’t catch my breath. My Bobbie Brown lash individualizing mascara was individualizing down my cheeks, I was a mess and I hadn’t bothered to bring tissues. Where did I think I was I going? Denial thy name is Tracey.

Thanks to Deb Eckerling and Lex, they kind of pulled me together and on to the stage I went.

I stood there and looked at my notes, which at three o’clock seemed right but in that heart shattering moment seemed inappropriate. So I apologized to the audience and didn’t know how to start or how to get through, but I knew I had to. I was there as Blake’s oldest friend and I was the closing remarks, I was responsible for sending these people off into the night with insight, laughter and love.

Thank God for Larry Enzer. I looked out at the audience and said it wasn’t fair. Then giving Larry full credit, I knew I needed a joke to push me into it, I used the one he had sent me the week before. “Life isn’t fair, the fair is in Pomona”

The joke worked, Sheldon, bless him laughed so hard it gave me the strength to keep going. He told me later he knew it would.

It’s also a joke that plays in LA; it doesn’t work in New York, where people stare at you and say isn’t Pomona a college?

But from that point forth I muddled through. I don’t remember much of what said and I certainly don’t remember the order. I remember getting laughs. I remember a train of thoughts that chugged through my brain and somehow made it out of my mouth. I remember the big points of what I had written and they somehow got in there.

And to end on a high note and one that I knew fitted Blake and one he would love, I made the audience sing three rounds of our favorite childhood song THE ANTS GO MARCHING. I told them if we were loud enough Blake would hear us. And I sang the first round alone, in front of over a hundred people, me, the worst voice in the western world. But it didn’t seem to matter and they were so great, they all sang with me and we sang loud and we sang to the heavens and we sang to Blake and I know he heard us.

And then I somehow made it back to my seat and collapsed in Howard Burkon’s arms.

It took every bit of strength I had, but I knew I had it and I knew I could do it.

At that point the core group I think just wanted out, it took too much out of all of us seeing and hearing him, but there were so many people he had touched in so many different ways, and they wanted some connection to the people he had been close to and we owed that to Blake and we owed it to them, so we mingled and chatted and sometimes pretended to pay more attention than I for one actually was.

I remember a lot of kind people I had never met hugging me and a few people I knew. I was so happy to see Jane, a lady Blake had dated and brought to a screening of mine back in February. She was a welcome face in the crowd.

But at one point I needed to get out and I couldn’t find BJ or Anne, so Sheldon, Annette and I ended up leaving with Lex and went to the bar of the hotel and I had a drink and thought I had calmed down until I went up to my room, collapsed on my bed in my clothes and just whimpered for a few hours.

Death does strange things. It paralyzes, it truly does.I woke up in the middle of the night convinced I was having a heart attack. According to my therapist my pain had manifested in physical symptoms – not the fist time in my life.But I was convinced I was going to Cedars. I took deep breaths and an anti-anxiety pill and managed to get back to sleep. I woke up at eight still feeling like I had been run over by a truck.

The only thing I really managed to do all day was sit in Lex’s garden with him and Lulu, drinking Pellegrino and trying to assimilate it all. I am very grateful to them for taking time out of their day to allow me to melt in their lovely garden.

There is no question for me it was the finality of it. And I know that sounds sort of trite, duh, death is final, but it takes a while for it to set in. I thought it had been seven weeks, I’m OK. I don’t know exactly how the others feel; I would ask them to blog in and let us know.

That evening Lex, BJ, Sheldon, Colby, Howard, Andy Cohen, Blake’s longtime manager, Lizzy Shaw and I went to Blake’s favorite restaurant La Scala and celebrated what would have been his fifty-second birthday tomorrow. I always tried to spend his birthday with him if we were in the same city. And it seemed fitting to celebrate his birth as well as his death. We are all in a more festive mood, perhaps not totally festive but more ourselves than the night before and I think it gave everyone a feeling of peace and as much happiness as could be mustered under the circumstances.

I ordered the cake from Sweet Lady Jane, which is such a great bakery. I forgot about it until Lex reminded me, I wish we had one here. But I ordered him a birthday cake and then when I explained to the girl who was taking the order that is was in fact for someone who was dead, she was a little freaked and mind you she works in West Hollywod I can’t imagine there is little she hasn’t heard. She said, “So no writing?” I said, “No, we want writing… WE LOVE YOU BLAKE.”  “OK” she said, “But we’re not going with candles.” “No, candles we shall have.” And candles we did and when they brought out the cake with three candles for his birthday and the fourth for eternal peace, we all blew them out together.

It was without question the right thing to do.

I even had party favors. Everyone walked away with a tee-shirt that said BLAKEAPALOOZA with a wonderful photo that I think came from Blake’s friend Pace where he is playing baseball.

As far as memorials go it was very good – people say memorials are joyful, “We are aiming for the joy of his life, celebrate the life that was, not the death that is.” I think BJ and company did a great job. It’s hard to pull of and they did it.

I guess I am too much of a cynic or perhaps just a realist but you know they’re dead, sorry – it ain’t a celebration; especially when they went out at fifty-one.

My father who thinks I’m a heathen said to me the other day someday I would discover he was meant to die and someday I would understand why. Well, all I have to say is nice try Dad, may work for you, maybe I am a heathen, but I could live to be a two hundred and I won’t figure out why at fifty-one his life was so abruptly ended. I will not reconcile within myself why I will never get to hear that voice again, why he will not get to go on and write six more books and achieve the fame and fortune he deserved. Why he will not be able to resolve some of his deeper issues that I think STC was leading him to.

I suppose the very early age has so much to do with it. And there was this secretive side of Blake; even those who were very close to him did not know many things about his life.

I think one of the reasons he was able to reach out to so many was he had so much love to give and had kept much of it bottled up for so long, it was easier for him to spread it around the world to those who were at a slight distance, those he didn’t know well, those who could only get so close and only expected his presence, knowledge and encouragement. I think deep down he thought we all wanted more of him then we actually did. We just wanted the authentic Blake, the authentic Blake was something that couldn’t be beat. No one could touch him.

He did leave unfinished business behind, his friends did feel on a certain level, me included and I knew him as well as anyone that we are left with unanswered questions and a closeness that was there but always a bit at arms length.

Was he truly happy? If he had to died so young did he die at least happy? I don’t know the answer.

I know he loved his work. I know he relished his fans and his AA buddies and the success the books and fans and fame was bringing. I know he was at peace with the contribution he was finally able to make and have it accepted on such a large scale.

He loved to laugh and he loved to make others laugh. He preferred to spend his days and nights helping others and not always helping himself.

He was a complicated man – perhaps one of the most complicated I have ever known and trust me that is saying something.

Another friend of mine, Dominick Dunne died several weeks after Blake. I am close to his son Griffin, who is sending out lovely notices; I opened mine last night upon returning from LA.

Dominick might have been the only other person I knew who was as complicated as Blake and their lives mimicked each other in many ways.

As part of his thank you notes Griffin sent out this quote by Dominick:

“It is one of the curiosities of my life that its greatest tragedy turned me to an area of my writing that is so rewarding to me. It’s so wonderful to be able to say, ‘I love my life,’ and I do.”

What a wonderful thing– if we could all say that at the end.

Nick had a leg up on Blake in the form an extra thirty years to really find his bliss.

Blake was on his way to that place, I know he was and I know he would have made it.

He was making great strides. He was the happiest he had ever been. Did he truly love his life? He loved parts of it I know. Though it is a question that will remain unanswered. But I know the people in his life truly loved him.

Comments:

1. anne says
   

   Hugs, Tracey.

   You brought it all in. You sang in front of a couple of hundred people. That is courage, and that is true love.

   xox

   October 2nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
2. Lex Passaris says
   

   As always — WOW! So eloquent and vivid — it was as if I were seeing it all for the first time — and I was there for much of it!

   Thanks so much.

   October 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
3. HB says
   

   Tracey… Blake, always in our hearts. Thanks for loving him so completely.

   October 2nd, 2009 at 2:59 pm
4. Holly Jordan says
   

   Your tribute made me cry, I didnt know him and I am a writer in Australia. Having read his book and laughed at his jokes and using his software that was all I had of him, but even that showed me what a wonderful unique individual he really was (I hate saying was!)
   When good people get taken too early, it makes me think, “this really must be hell, cos heaven wants the good people.”
   Thanks for sharing
   Holly x

   October 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm
5. BJ says
   

   Nailed.

   October 2nd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
6. Pace Cooke Emmons says
   

   Tracey, This is so lovely. Thank you for sharing this. Not to quibble, but the great baseball photo came from Anthony Mason. Blake was at bat at what must have been a Georgetown Voice game. That’s another staffer playing catcher. Just wanted to give credit where it’s due. Thanks again!

   October 3rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
7. John Keenan says
   

   This is a lovely tribute to an inspirational man. Blake was clearly much loved by those who knew him – but more than that he changed the lives of hundreds of people through his workshops and thousands of people through his writing. He was a rare generous soul who was unafraid to share his knowledge and talent.

   October 7th, 2009 at 8:26 am
8. Colby Carr says
   

   Tracey, it was great to spend time with you and the dinner was generous and perfect.

   You were a great friend to Blake and ultimately that’s the most we can ever do for a person. You are valued. It was a great two days for me – got to feel a part of the biz again and met some funny people.

   I hope to stay pals,

   Colby

   October 7th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
9. Donna Jason says
   

   Hi Tracey, Thank you so much for this. Although I was at part of the memorial and thoroughly enjoyed your stories (and everyone elses), I had to leave early to get my son. I deeply appreciate your recounting the parts I missed – as well as your heartfelt take on the parts I was there for. I worked with Blake, took his classes, had him analyze my script and always felt in my heart I would have a long, deep connection to him. I – like so many – am shocked and grieving still. The only great thing I have gained from this tragedy is a vengeance to sell the screenplay he was such a huge part of. Every word I’ve written since his passing has been my silent tribute to him. My heart goes out to you. I only knew him briefly and he had an enormous impact. Your life long connection is profound and deep. May there always be a bridge between heaven and earth that keeps you connected.

   October 11th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
10. Forrest Knutson says
    

    Tracey, thank you for this. It was such a powerful experience to be at Blake’s Memorial. And to relive it through your words brings every touching moment back. Except one, which I hope you don’t mind, I’d like to add:

    I just wanted to mention something you said, which for me was the highlight of the whole event. It was right at the end after Joe Whyte’s tearfully awesome slideshow. You said that Blake was always restless. That he was always waiting for the, “big thing,” to happen. He co-wrote, “Blank Check,” and was still waiting. Then later, he wrote, “Save The Cat,” and the praise and the fans and the students rolled in. And that was it. That was the big thing he’d been waiting for. In his students he found the recognition and confirmation he’d been waiting for all his life. You said that we’d all blogged about how much Blake had given to us, but in the end it was us, his students, who had given to him as well.

    I don’t know how happy Blake was. He seemed a very joyous, complicated individual, as most genius is. Hearing you say that though, that in buying his book and recommending it to everyone under the sun, in taking his class and praising him profusely, in emailing him back and forth, that I’d helped give him a sense of completion. It struck me to the heart and I was happy to have been a part of it all. We’ll meet again, I know.

    Thank you, again Tracey, for sharing your friendship with Blake with all of us and giving us another window into his life.

    October 18th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
11. Cindy Bouchard says
    

    Hi Tracey,

    I wanted to go up and hug you and somehow knew you wanted to just leave, have space, be quiet… that’s what I wanted and I only knew Blake for 1 year.

    So feel my hug now, for your tribute at the memorial and for this wonderful blog, both of which made me cry.

    I’ve always loved ants and do so even more now.

    Thank you and blessings,

    Cindy

    October 19th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

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