THREE-DAY WEEKEND

 

Back in the summer when I got the calendars for both girls I did what I always do, I wrote in my agenda all their holiday breaks parent teacher conference days and three-day weekends.

Since we were going to be in the freshman stage with Taylor I wrote in on all her three-day weekends,  “Taylor Home.”  Silly me, I just assumed that that’s what happened with college kids who lived fairly close to home, on three-day weekends; they came home.  And that was also back in the pre-departure days when leaving home seemed scarier than it turned out being and she was declaring from deep in her nest bed that she would be home “all the time.”

We all know I read that book and threw it out as it stated all sorts of things I didn’t want to hear like “ expect them to not come home that much and if they do don’t expect them to pay any attention to you.”

 She did come home two weeks ago and I will add the first words out of her mouth after “hello are you surprised? were, “I’m dong this since I won’t be home again until Thanksgiving.”

She might have been there, but she was telling me not to expect much more of it.

Though I will say she did not ignore me at all and we spent most of the time together.

At the time she said it I chose for a change to keep my mouth partially shut, which means instead of getting into it I decided to enjoy the weekend I had in front of me and thought to myself she will probably change her mind. I might have even said,  “it’s a few weeks off see how you feel then.”

This whole thing, (which I will blog about next week) is so similar to dating. It’s like going back to this place where every move is measured and you hear what you want to hear as opposed to what is actually being said.

When the guy said, “I’m not getting married,” I always  heard  “yet” and thought I make him will change his mind.

She said “I’m not coming back until Thanksgiving.” I thought, “She will change her mind.

Mixed in with all this was a dangling chad of  a trip to Johns Hopkins to see her best friend that had revolving days and I stayed totally out of it. I never asked, I never suggested. I ignored the whole thing. Not my business. Maybe it wouldn’t even happen.

There was a point when she told us she wasn’t sure if John’s Hopkins was happening now. OK. Not my business.

Yet in the back of my head was maybe she would come home for Columbus Day and still written in my agenda was  “Taylor Home.”
But I chose not to mention it. Trying to learn my lessons along the way here, leave it alone; let it go and it may come home for Columbus Day.

Then last week I ran into a friend of hers mother on Madison. The woman also has a child at the same college. She  announced  ”L is coming home this weekend; maybe they should take the bus together.”   She like I, just assumed, I guess three-day weekends meant home they come. Perhaps she had it written in her agenda too.

I wasn’t  sure Taylor was coming  but I didn’t want to feel like the total loser parent whose kid didn’t want to come home– so I said “Well she was home weekend before last.”

“So was L,”  the mom responded.  “She’s coming back for the three-day weekend.”

Wow, that one took me. I stood on the corner of 79^th and Madison staring at Courtney Cox in her COUGAR TOWN poster feeling like the total loser parent; the kid standing at the prom without a dance  partner.

I remember thinking – I wonder if Courtney’s kid Coco, will grow up and go to college and not come back for long weekends in Malibu, with her parents and still unmarried god-mother Jennifer Aniston?

“It’s a good idea,” I said. “The bus is only twelve dollars.” she said as she took off.”

So as I headed in the opposite direction I thought to myself, just drop it don’t say anything, this will not give you what you want.

Let it go. I walked a few blocks. I started texting, texting one thing while my little voice was telling me another,  “L is coming home for the weekend you guys could take the bus together.”  My fingers clearly had a game plan of their own. I stopped,  there was that stupid Courtney Cox poster again. Her kid will totally come home I thought”  I typed  ”It’s a three-day weekend”  I debated what to do. Then a gaggle of girls wearing Taylor’s old school uniform walked by … SEND.

Within five minutes and another COUGAR TOWN add came back the response, “No one else is coming home, I should stay here, besides I was just home”

“So was she.” SEND

It went on like that for a few beats until I gave up.

I was clearly swimming upstream and I had to let it go.

At some point within the week the whole gong to Maryland issue rose again. It was a should I or shouldn’t I? I want to – I have work.

I don’t think she was asking our advice, she might have been talking out loud to us or subtly letting us know she would not be coming here but there, her plans had been made.

I didn’t think she had bought her ticket, as it hadn’t appeared on the bank statement.  It still hasn’t. I think her father ended up buying it for her as they got expensive and every time I asked when she got the ticket she said “Weeks ago.” But that response didn’t jive with the rest of he narrative.

I understand her wanting to go to John’s Hopkins to see her friends and another school.

It’s her best friend’s birthday.

There was a certain amount of secrecy around it. But she is carving out her world where she makes her own choices and my input is not desired.

It would have been nice to have her home, I could have gone to the dark hole, but I learned I can’t go there over this stuff.

So I  did the grateful thing and I made plans for all the cool things I could do with Lucy and Glenn over the weekend-  on with our lives.

I will say when I got a call yesterday at three telling me she was  on her way to the airport I was rather surprised.

But it’s Thursday, what about class tomorrow?
I’m missing; everyone misses.

OK. I wasn’t going there.

When did you get your ticket? I said for the ninth time.

“Weeks ago” she said. “How much?”  “ I don’t know around a hundred dollars.” she said.

This part of the story is where it doesn’t make sense.  I don’t know???????

But I have no way of finding out the truth. If she bought it this week, which she must have , it was not a hundred dollars.  It was in the neighborhood of five which means her dad had to have coughed up the dough.

But she was in a cab on her way to the airport.

She is making her own choices.

I have not heard from her since she landed.

I don’t expect to. There is a high-octane freshman money issue that could turn from a brush fire into a forest fire over the next several days.

I whited out  “Taylor’s Home” for this weekend and all the other three-day weekends of the school year.

Freshman Mom Lesson for this week – No expectations – No disappointments.

Have a Nice Three-Day Weekend.

I will!