THE MOST POPULAR GIRL ON THE PAGE

The other morning Taylor came in my room and said, “You are really turning into the teenager you never got to be.”

I said, “What are you talking about?”

“You know how in school you weren’t popular and you didn’t have a clique? Now because of your blog and Facebook and your gym, you’re like the popular girl doing all the things and getting to be the person you never got to be.”

Sometimes Taylor really astounds me and this one did actually stop me in my tracks.

She like totally – fur sure – was right on.

I wasn’t popular in high school.  I wasn’t popular in grammar school. In fact until I started dating (and they were not my peers) I was not popular with anyone but adults.  I had a few friends and being consistent people, two of them Susan Davis and Vanessa, who show up here all the time, were two of my best friends growing up.

But suffice to say, people were pretty mean to me. I was the kid who got picked on. And to this day, I’m not sure why.

People who knew me in school will sometimes come up and apologize and say, “Sorry, I was really mean to you.”

Even yesterday at breakfast after our sleepover –which I will get to – Maria said, “Everybody was really mean to you. Why?”
I have often asked myself this question.

My mother says no one liked me from my first day in nursery school (except Blake) she says I was bossy and wanted it all my way.

Wait a minute isn’t that you mom?

Though, there is no question I can see that – a bit- sometimes- perhaps.

But, actually I don’t think any more so than the popular people. Popular people are totally bossy. Why else be popular if you can’t order people around?

I wasn’t hideously ugly or fat or awkward or anything.

I was kind of blonde and perky the way I am now. I was funny then too.

People assume girls with long blonde hair and boobs are always popular. Well, take it from me they are not.

I might have been a bit overbearing. People have accused me of being too fast, too much to keep up with, too demanding of them to show up in ways that are not in keeping with their personality. But I’m not so sure I was that way at 12, 13, 14, and 15.

Like everyone else, I wanted to be accepted by my peers. I wanted to be a cheerleader and date the cool guys.

Who did I want to date? I wanted to date a guy called Tom Patten, tall, blonde, a junior when I was a real freshman.  He had a baby blue Datsun XKE. He drove me home from school once.

That was the extent of our time spent together.  And he kept the motor running and looked the other way as I exited the car.

I have heard he has turned monstrously fat. Which is what one always wants to happen to those people.

So, suffice to say I grew up very fast, and kind of went from playing with Barbies to playing with boys without a stop in high-school ville to live a normal teen-age hood in between.

I heard a quote from a film the other day, and it went something like this, I didn’t see the film, I think I got it from the ad. Someone had been in a coma  and had just woken up and a person was explaining how the world had changed.  They said, “And then there is Facebook; it’s where you re-connect with all the people you wanted to go out with in high school and finally get to be friends with.”

Now, I may have the quote a little off, but that is the essence and there is truth to that, a lot of truth. I think it is partially – scratch partially – I would say primarily why so many Boomers spend so much time online, on FB connecting with all the people from their past.

Thanks to the magic of the internet we are allowed the chance to present the image of our idealized self or just be who we are now and say hey – remember me, I was the nerd, well, now maybe that’s changed.

I think many people are reliving and photo-shopping their high school image online.

And the popular people, who might not have grown up to be popular people, which is many times the case (wonder if Tom Patten is cool now? If he’s fat -NOT) anyway, I think they get to go back to the place where they peaked.

It’s kind of all things to all people.

Plus like many things as we age and much that used to be part of our lives and personalities starts to diminish FB is a way of keeping certain aspects of our youth in play. And let’s face it; we are all up for that.

So yes, on Facebook I have become someone I was not in high school, popular. Tay is right. I’m now getting to be one of the cool kids. It took four decades,  I’m loving it.

And then, there is my gym, well, my gym, the center of so much of my life, I’m back next week guys – my gym is like totally the cafeteria minus the food.

There is a little clique at my gym and the members, we all know who we are, we rule.

Glenn calls us the Warriors.

One of the member’s daughters once said, we were “the mean girls of the place.”

I hate to admit it, I loved it and she was right.

Like all cliques we have an outfit, and you pretty much have to wear a version of it. If someone comes in without it, they won’t be allowed in the group.

And we have real rules – consistent attendance is mandatory.

You like totally, fur sure have to show up at least five days a week, and better to make it seven; anything under that is considered a lazy ass and not allowed in the group.

Because all members of the Warriors, are type A, competitive,  New Yorkers, you have to have a certain body fat ratio or you are not allowed in either. You have to have a certain type of abs – flat. Butt – firm. Legs – well defined. Attitude – superior.  Hey- high school is not always a pretty place otherwise people who have been left out would not make so many movies about it once they grow up.

You can spot us sometimes, the Warriors striding down the street between seven and ten am., in rain, sleet, snow or even the high holidays. We wear Lulu Lemon workout pants or leggings, black and gray only;  bright colors out you as imposter.  You can mix and match the tops and if you are at the white-hot-center of the group and I am.  OK, just accept it, you have to.  At fifty-one I’m finally cool enough for school.

If you are at the white-hot center you can start new styles, mostly variations on the top.  Like I started wearing day glow sports bras under longer than normal tops, others took notice and I have seen this look appear on a few people now.  But the tight little workout tops we wear, are covered by either a snug long sleeved t-shirt or a cashmere hoodie.

But only for the first ten minutes, once you hit the deck for push ups, you have to throw off the long sleeves and toss them in the direction of your Emergence spiked water otherwise you look like a pussy.

And of course we are deeply judgmental of everyone’s body types, especially our own and some of the teachers as well.

And the highest compliment is “you’ve lost weight.”  Sometimes people will say you should put some on.  Which of course nobody means, but it’s acknowledging you’re really walking the walk or doing the down-ups, as we like to say at EXHALE.

So Taylor was right – I have found these places in my life to experience the popularity that was denied to me in high school.

And I guess this blog does a little too.  Though I end being the least popular girl on the page with some people many days.  But the other stuff is all kicking so – like you – know – I’m chill with that.

And now with my new ten-year younger eyes – YES! Jon Turk, it worked!  Jon Turk the guy who can take your middle-age face a quarter of the way back to match your high school personality. Now with that going on, I’m so not acting my age here.

Like the other night I had a girlfriend come over for a sleepover!

I did. I did. What is more high school than that?

My friend Maria Bushkin Stave, who I reconnected with on FB and have not seen in at least twenty-seven years, drove down to LA to have a sleepover at my hotel.

Maria, much like me had no teenage hood either. In fact I at least went to school and did graduate. Maria was yanked out in 7^th grade and put on the professional horse show circuit where she spent a decade or so becoming one of the top equestrians in the country.

But this eliminated any high school experience including a diploma.  Which  actually turned out not to hinder her, as she is now a shrink. See school can be overrated.

While Maria and I were not friends in high school, since she wasn’t even there, and I was there, but yanked out  to travel with my mother and do other things, we have many  similar points of connection. And we are both trying in our own ways to relive the stuff we never actually lived.

So she came down and no she did not have a sleeping bag, we had two beds in the room – down boys.

We just had the best time.

She got there at six.  It had been kind of a stressful day for me, and she had had a long drive, so the first thing we did was crack open a bottle of wine, sat down and pretty much drank and talk until we passed out. What are teenage sleepovers for? At least we didn’t call Dominos and order forty pizzas to be delivered to random people.  I’m kind of bummed we didn’t do that Maria. Next time.

Though we really didn’t have time for pranks as we had close to thirty years of life to catch up on. Our combined dating lives took up most of that time. Do the math – two girls- thirty years, both dropped into adulthood way ahead of schedule, it’s not hard to figure out the meat of our conversation.

And trust me, if there had been cameras rolling this would have knocked THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ANYWHERE on it’s ass.

At one point, we decided since neither one of has had eaten all day,( Maria has a Warrior’s body) and we had just consumed a bottle of Merlot we should get dinner.

But we are not in high school, we are both mothers and wives, so we did not get behind the wheel of a car, we just stumbled down to the hotel bar where we continued to drink and at least eat something to absorb some of the alcohol.

Then back up to the room, more wine, we eventually moved on to the topic of our mothers, many similarities – I will say no more, except that required more wine. We moved on to her father, the late Joe Bushkin, the amazing jazz musician and she showed me his website, more wine.  That kind of made her sad, back to boys and more wine.

I hadn’t had a night like this, well, maybe, never.  I have, but never under the heading of high school sleepover and with another girl.

We had so much in common. We had so much fun. We felt so close.  I think it meant even more as both of us had not had this in our youth.

Eventually we put on our jammies, that’s what you call them in high school right or is that first grade? I didn’t have a normal childhood either.

And we passed out.

I woke up at four and took three Tylenol.

At around six I heard grumblings from Maria’s bed, “ADVIL”

How many?

“Three.”

“Too many Maria, I only took two with the eye-lift.”

She took the two I gave her. OK I am bossy.

We ordered huge pots of coffee. We climbed back in our respective beds, not daring to look at ourselves in the mirror, as when you drive this way in high school it leaves no tracks on your face.  At fifty, even Jon Turk can’t make you look good after a night like that.

But we picked up where we left off the night before. I think we did as neither one remembers exactly where we left off the night before and we talked for another three hours.

If Taylor and I had not had a plane to catch and Maria did not have her family to return to, my guess is we would still be there.

We made it down to breakfast, dark glasses and more coffee; then Taylor arrived.

She thought it was funny, as she had called all this days before.

So high school.

So what.

We waited a long time for this.

My suggestion for the day is find someone on FB you really wanted to get close to in high school, invite them over for a sleepover and get totally plastered. There is no one to yell at you because now you’re the grown-up and the kid!

I have to go – I want to try and find Tom Patten on Facebook. I just want to see how fat he is.

FRESHMAN EVERYTHING

http://www.joebushkin.com/ 

For some great musical history, stories, photos check it out. Joe Bushkin was the original too cool for school.

http://www.exhalespa.com/

If you too want to be a Warrior. Do  not be scared, unless you take the advanced classes you will not be exposed to the mean girls.